Because LIFE moves FORWARD

I haven't really written anything for a very long time and my mind has actually made me believe the thought that my brain had been rusted, rusted with all of life's misery and disappointments. That my life had moved into a direction with nothing but failures.

I was never born a quitter. I pride myself with being a silent warrior. But lately, I haven't been me. The old me used to adore reading books during the afternoon rather than surfing the net, the old me used to draw every now and then, come up with crazy stories and melody for songs I would eventually compose, the me who used to play the piano because deep inside I know it is my passion. But the new me has stopped. I have remained stagnant for over a year and a half. I felt like I haven't done anything productive lately, always late when it comes to deadlines, didn't put a 100% effort in school, always sleeping less reading and I have stopped playing.

As I sat down in the office where I'm currently having my OJT, I have come to realize how the changes in the environment of people I'm with changed me. How I was always saying to myself to start again, create a new image, but always falter in the end.

The thought is there, what I lack is motivation. Why? I keep on asking myself this question over and over again but I couldn't find the answer. My thoughts always seem to be moving about.

FOCUS!

I need to focus. I need to write down all the things I want to do in my life starting today, not because other people are doing it; it's because I want to be back on track. I need to find that motivation.

I need to have a bucket list of things to do and one of which is closing down this site. I'm not deleting it, I'll just stop writing. I'll be moving away, and this time for good. Because I believe LIFE MOVES FORWARD and I SHOULD MOVE WITH IT.

And My Heart Wept

I was walking around in a supermarket when I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back, the boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll.'' The little boy turned to the old woman next to him, ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' She replied, ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her.' I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. 'No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this, 'My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said, 'I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himself. He was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and I wish she didn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll!'' OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said, 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!' Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give it to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' 'My mommy loves white roses.' A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state of mind from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local newspaper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine, and in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Because of Tumblr

Your Tumblr Personality

You have a great need for other people to like and admire you. You have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.

While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them. Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.

You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others’ statements without satisfactory proof. You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.

At times you are extroverted, affable, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic. Security is one of your major goals in life.

The Cats Are Out Of The Bag

Different but not less.

Whatever happened to a true friend understands? Are you like two or something? For Pete's sake, we're already in College. I think it's time for you to look in the mirror and see the immaturity printed on your face.

I have been bruised and beaten ever since I set foot in Cebu, the constant meetings and activities, the never ending exams and paper works, and a whole lot more. I've had no weekends without anything important to do. I don't even get enough time to sleep anymore and here you are telling me I don't have time for you? I don't even have time for myself.

Newsflash DEAR! The world doesn't revolve on you. I've been putting up with your show and your constant tantrums for years and I have had enough already. I don't exist in this world just for you. Please do understand that I, like everybody else, have far more important things to do than having chitchats over your sad and boring life. Get yourself a dog, will you?

So, if you really are my friend and if you still want to be; please act your age. Bow!

Twenty Tears

For the past months, all I have done is laugh. Stop to breathe and then laugh again until tears would fall down on each cheeks. I was genuinely happy and for some odd reasons, I haven't cried for a long time. But today, after reading that message from your friend; bucket full of tears went down from my eyes without noticing them.

If you'd ask me. What's not to like about you? You're smart, no doubts about that. You're cute and handsome. You play scrabble and chess. You like anime. We come from the same province. You like books. You have a great personality and everybody thinks so too. And you're God fearing. Why you? Why not?

The moment those tears fell, I knew everything would change. And it did. I get that awkward feeling every time you say hi to me in the corridors or every time we bump each other hurrying up to class. I can't even say your name out loud anymore.

You're different. I know you are. What makes you so special is how you amazingly turn my frowns upside down without doing anything, your mere presence is enough. The funny thing here is that you were the first guy who made me cry while smiling. I'm happy because you're happy. I know you're that one person I can't have but I don't mind. You've already done enough by being my friend and I'm not asking for anything else.

You've reached the age of 20 already and you're about to graduate soon. We'll be parting our ways and probably never get to see each other often but we share the same dreams and we're under the same sky, so I'm hoping our roads will come crashing again in the near future. I hope. Thank you for everything.

Damn Regret

I have thought of this for quite sometime now and man was I stupid then. Hahaha. Fine. That's what I keep on telling myself. But after all I've discovered this month, I have every right to say "I SHOULD HAVE CHOSEN HIM INSTEAD OF YOU." It sickens me. It does, really.

Do you remember that day? That faithful day you held my hand but you had to let go because he was coming? I felt it. That spark I never felt with him even after I said yes. But I disregarded that because you already chose your path so I chose mine too. I could still remember that night I said yes to him and you were the first one I informed hoping to get some reaction. But no. You stood your ground the way I stood mine. We were cowards! Cowards, I say. We feared to express what we truly felt that time to protect other people's happiness. And now what? We end up regretting. At least, I am. You? You ended up compromising to the things I know you hate the most. Or at least I think you do. Or did you force yourself to like them? I don't know.

Damn it! It's really funny how things turned out for the both of us. The way I look at it. We chose the things we dislike. We try to convince ourselves that we are contented with such but sooner or later, we will realize what matters to us the most.

But right now. I kinda wish you're really happy with her. Kind of. I don't know. Because at the back of my mind, a part of me still say: "That should have been me."

After all we've been through. I miss you. I just thought you should know. :)

Personality Test

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

I guess I find this true with exception to the romantic part because I can't assess myself with that. But when I commit myself in something I really love, I try my very best to preserve such thing. :)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

Yes, and I'm still patiently waiting for the guy to come into my life. Not rushing. Only heaven knows. :)

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

I don't agree with the first sentence. Hahaha. I don't think "flirt" is a word to describe it. I'm just really friendly and more comfortable with guys. :)

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

True. If there's still time. I'm going to pursue fine arts. :)

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

I'm certainly not a quitter! Aja! :)

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Very Accurate. :)

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Here is the analysis:

1. You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.
2. You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3. You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.
4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

I guess this is the downside of being a perfectionist.

Bright and Cheerful

You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

You value your friendships: 85%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.